


Why Do I Care (since it only hurts)

by Of_Lights_and_Shadows



Category: No Fandom, Original Work
Genre: Gen, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-18
Updated: 2016-08-18
Packaged: 2018-08-09 13:42:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7804078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Of_Lights_and_Shadows/pseuds/Of_Lights_and_Shadows
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's one of those bad days and the worse thoughts, the nightmares, become hard to deal with.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Why Do I Care (since it only hurts)

 

Everything I touch turns to dust. But I still try, even when I feel that it won't matter. Nobody cares, but Ι can't help but try. I want others to be happy, but I feel I can't be the one to help them reach that happiness.

Because everything I touch turns to dust.

I know many people, and to them, I smile. I want them to be happy, but I can't help with that. I smile, I try. I shut my sadness within and smile. I smile and they don't hold their smiles back.

They smile at me, and that's more than enough.

There are tears that no one can see, because they don't want to be seen. They have a will of their own and, no matter how much I try, they won't come out. They hide by themselves and won't come out. It just hurts more.

 

I like the people that return a smile, even if it's not sincere. Even if it's a lie, it makes me feel better for myself. I exist. I matter. I repeat those words after each and every smile.

 

The door closes and the shadows grow. They take forms. They look human. Are they? Are they not?

The shadows yell and judge and demand. The meaning of the words are clear. You exist. You don't do anything to matter. You're a burden.

The tears threaten to come out but I try to not allow them to. I must show no weakness.

The shadows know me well. And I know the form they've taken. Not familiar, and not simply known. The form of people who stood close, they now suffocate me.

If I cry now, they'll yell more. Or laugh at me.

I'm weak.

But I can't show it.

I can't admit it.

I must not.

 

I want it to stop hurting.

 

I want to stop caring. It hurts so much to care, it hurts so much to try. I know I can't. I know I can't do anything. But I try.

I try.

I try.

It's not enough.

When will it be enough?

Why is it never enough to just try?

Once to hear a ''well done'' is too much to ask?

''It's okay''

''It'll go away''

''I'm here for you''

 

Why do I care, since it only hurts?

I care because I hope. I hope that, one day, I can be weak, and it'll be okay. I can be loved for being imperfect. I can be a friend without being beautiful, or smart, or strong. I can be myself and receive an honest ''thank you''.

 

And I can return a smile, a true smile, and thank you back.


End file.
